Therapeutic Foster Care in rural Western North Carolina

I hope that Creative Families will support, encourage, and refresh those of you who provide therapeutic services for children in desperate situations. I also hope to stir the desire of others to open their homes and hearts to children who have no where else to go.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

The Stress of Childhood

                                     “I’m so busy.”   “I don’t have time.”  “I’m so stressed out.”
Unless you make intentional efforts to guard your time, these mantras seem to be the bane of our modern life existence.  We allow stress to follow us wherever we go and, by so doing, allow it to impact our health, our relationships, and our peace of mind. 
Mayo Clinic’s Effects of Stress on Health
Physical Effects
Emotional Effects
Behavioral Effects
Headaches
Muscle tension
Stomach aches
Insomnia
High blood pressure
Diabetes
Obesity
Decreased Productivity
Decreased motivation
Depression
Anxiety
Irritability
Over or under eating
Anger outbursts
Substance Abuse
Social Isolation

Without a doubt stress impacts our lives, but do you realize how much stress impacts the lives of our children?   Children are in a crucible of developmental tension.  What seems trivial or like simple play is really a method of learning about the world around them and establishing their own sense of self.  At each developmental stage (Erickson, E.H., Childhood and Society, 1985), the child ultimately chooses between two world views and establishes how they will relate to adjusts to people and society. This is the normal work of a child and can be stressful in and of itself without the added stress imposed on them by adults:

What is normal stress for a child?
  • Seeing parents leave and come back (trust vs. mistrust)
  • Learning to share and not always getting what they want (initiative vs. guilt)
  • Trying something new until they succeed (autonomy vs. shame and doubt)
  •  Interacting with new environments (industry vs. inferiority)
  • Evaluating belief systems (identity vs. identity diffusion)
  • Forming friendships, experiencing loss, comparing and competing with peers
  • Standing up for themselves, people they love, and values they believe in

  These issues are tough and ones adults continue to perfect their grasp on throughout a lifetime. Children are accomplishing this huge stressful task of developing their own sense of self and view of the world.  In addition, they must manage the intense stress of divorce, poverty, nutritional depletion, domestic violence, substance abuse, abuse and neglect, internet predators, school shootings, racism, and more.  Children are onslaught with adult issues without the maturity necessary to process or cope in a healthy way.

All this to say, children are doing critical and difficult emotional work on a daily basis.  They need adults to help them manage this stress instead of adding to it.  As adults, it is our job to:

  1. Care for yourself (alone time, date nights, time with friends,  doing something you enjoy, explore your spirituality) 
  2. Take responsibility for the adult issues in your life (Don’t blame others, Don’t rely on your child as a confidante)
  3. Teach and demonstrate healthy coping mechanisms (positive ways of dealing with negative emotions)
  4.  Explain why things happen (link cause and effect and avoid your child seeing themselves as the cause)
  5.  Listen to your child without judgment or comment (don’t interrupt!)
  6. Establish routines that your child can depend on (meals, bed times, etc)
  7. Limit extracurricular  activities
  8. Prepare healthy meals and snacks
  9. Plan family activities
  10. Exercise

 “Appreciating each other is a true family value, one that will bail out much of the stress on the planet and help strengthen the universal bond all people have.” – Sara Paddison