This summer something historic is happening. For the first time women will compete in Olympic boxing. Trying out for the team is Tyrieshia Douglas. Tyrieshia grew up in foster care and is now in the running to be a world champion. She and her four siblings grew up in separate foster homes after being removed from their own home due to parental drug abuse. Tyrieshia first became interested in boxing after seeing her brother's box at the gym, amazed that they got to "beat up people for free." When she asked to box, Tyrieshia was adamantly told "no" because she was a girl. Eventually, at the recommendation of a juvenile court judge after she was arrested for fighting, Tyrieshia did start boxing and, at number 2 in the country for her weight division, has a chance to make history.
Tyrieshia's coach is like a father figure in her life; he has supported her in doing what everyone else thought was crazy and unfeminine. Now at 23 years old, Tyrieshia is reunited with family, living with one of her brothers and on speaking terms with her mother. Family never stops being family, but other mentors are priceless. Without them, children may never get a chance to accomplish their dreams. One foster family I've worked with did something similar for a little 11 year old girl. They offered her every extracurricular activity in the book: gymnastics, ballet, cheer-leading. The child's request? Football. The family, a two female home, were surprised but encouraging. They decided that if football is what she wanted to do, then they would support her in that endeavor. This tall, thin, blond, delightful girl became one of the best players on the team- nose guard, in fact.
"If you are strong enough to stand up against all the odds that you face, there is something within you that is special," says Christy Halbert, international women's boxing coach. As parents, we often try to make our child fit within social boundaries. This includes making them color in the lines, paint trees green instead of purple, girls cheer, boys play sports, sit down and stay still, don't talk, clean your plate without attention to how your body actually feels. As tempting as it may be, do not slip into this trap. See that something special in the child that is in your home, encourage them and help them to be "strong enough to stand up against all odds," you never know what they will become. Our role as parents is to nurture the child's self-identity, build their confidence in who they are and their ability to make decisions, be creative, be self-aware and follow their dreams. Anything less is bred from a spirit control.
Children who come into foster care are often so emotionally beat down that they have no positive opinion of themselves and no trust in their own thoughts or feelings. They feel worthless. One beautiful 14 year old girl I work with just recently stated, "nobody likes me, nobody cares." She needs nurturers that will build self-worth into her. She needs to see that people care and that people like her even if she doesn't believe it. A foster parent has to teach a child how to pay attention to their feelings; often a foster parent must reteach the meaning of words and experiences- what is safe? what is love? what is satisfaction?
How does a parent walk a child from feeling totally worthless to feeling confident in themselves? How do you do it for a 2 year old? You squeal and rave over every little squiggle they make on a piece of paper. You delight in the mud pie they serve you in the sandbox. You react to them with the same amount of enjoyment/disappointment that they demonstrate. This same principle applies whether you are 2 or 10 or 16 or 25. We want people to respond with empathy, we want to know that we count for something. We want to know that we matter. The more a child believes in her own worth, the more she begins to respect herself. The more she respects herself, the more she is able to respect other people. Self-worth and respect will help her to make safer decisions, to protect herself from inappropriate sexual behavior, to restrain herself when tempted to act out or not do anything.
"If you can get hit and hit a person back, you have to have heart. You might get hurt. That's heart to me"- Tyrieshia Douglas. Kids get hurt all the time, they get hit in so many ways, but they stay in the fight. Especially when they have a supportive team behind them. That's heart. The 11 year old nose guard went on to be adopted by a family member who will not let her play football. She may not play football anymore, but she learned some valuable lessons that she will carry with her. She learned her own strength. She learned that people care. She learned that she can accomplish what she sets her mind to do. And she still visits her foster parents.
www.npr.org/2012/02/06/146482663/as-olympic-trials-near-womens-boxing-heats-up
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