Hyper-Active Intervention

A foster parent came to me with a question, "My child is hyper active to the point the dog is nervous to be around her.  Any suggestions?".  The dog used to go to sleep in the car; after being around this 11 year old girl the dog urinates in the car, won't sit down, and begs to get out.  The child talks endlessly, jumps out to scare the parent when he gets home from work, startles when approached from behind, can't settle down once she gets wound up.  All this activity without any reprieve and the parent is going to get burnt out.  With holiday activities in full gear and additional family members in the home, some members whom the child has never met before, anxiety and hyperactivity are only increasing.

 I have more questions than suggestions.  Does the child have the ability to control herself?  Often times medications physically effect a child, beyond her control.  What has happened recently that might have influenced her behavior?  Changes can include medication, people she comes in contact with, family visits, change in legal status, situations at school, change in season, or simply the end of a honeymoon period.  Does the child realize that her behavior is hyperactive?  The child may or may not recognize her behavior as out of the ordinary or problematic.  And even if she does recognize that she is "hyper", she may not be able to identify in concrete terms what "hyper" means.

Three cheers for this foster parent!  First, this dad preserved the safety of his home for everyone, including the animals.  He put limits on time with family pets.  Therapeutic Foster Homes need to put safety first.  Ensuring a safe environment allows for children to trust.  If dad had not protected the animals, then how does the child know who in the home falls within dad's protective bounds.  Second, both dad and mom provided opportunities for the child to play, go outside, draw, do pottery, talk and sing to herself (what child doesn't love an opportunity to be their own rock star!).  The family bakes, does crafts, and puts on puppet shows together.  What a rich opportunity for this child to be active and creative after sitting still and being quiet at school all day.

However, all the activities do not negate the need for learning the appropriate times for such heightened activity and the appropriate times for calm. Often times children do not make the connection between their feelings and their behaviors.  As emotional teachers, parents need to facilitate children making those connections for themselves.  I'm all the time helping my own children make the connection between their grumpy, whiny tantrums and their recent sugar consumption.  My hope is that as they grow older they will be able to take care of themselves and make healthy decisions.  I also hope that they will be aware enough of their own body to put precautions into place when needed.  I suppose this is the 3 year old's equivalent of appointing a designated driver when attending a party where alcohol is being served.

We have to teach children emotional intelligence; teach them how to pay attention to their bodies and feelings, understand how those feelings impact their behavior, recognize how that behavior impacts themselves and others, and then know how to alter their behavior and make safe decisions.

The first step is to engage that child in a conversation.  The child is the clue to the interventions that will work for her.   Always use the sandwich model for these conversations: remember positive-what needs to change-positive.  ("Honey, I'm really proud of you for staying calm and focused at school."- "Let's talk about how you might be able to do that at home a little more."- "You are an amazing kid to help me figure all this out.  Thank you so much.")

 1)  Explore the problem and desired behaviors.  Lead the child in a brainstorming session about what hyper looks like: what does she feel when she's hyper, what does she do when she's hyper, how do those behaviors impact her and other people?  What does calm look like: what does she feel when she's calm, what helps her feel calm, what can others do to help her be calm?
2)  Define Expectations.  Children need to know they can trust someone else to be in charge.  They also need to concretely know what we expect. ("Listen to me" is not a clear instruction.  Define "Listen", what does "listen" look like.  Listen means to close your mouth, look at my eyes, hear what I am saying, then be able to repeat it back to me.)  Discuss important times to be calm: school, meal times, bed time, church.  Discuss times when it's okay to be hyper and what levels of hyper are okay: recess, after school, running outside, screaming outside, etc.
3)  Make a game.  Come up with a way that together you and the child can help her achieve success.  Help her start connecting her feelings and behaviors.  Is there a secret signal you can give when her hyperactivity is starting to increase?  Think baseball.  Can you pull your ear or scratch your nose to signal her to use some of her calming skills?
4) Reward.  What does the child like?  What does she think she deserves if she's able to accomplish the task at hand?  How is she going to earn that reward?  Maybe she gets a sticker every time she is able to calm down 5 minutes after you flash the secret signal.  If she gets 4 stickers in a week, maybe she earns a magazine or a trip to roller rink or a special outing with dad.  Figure out what works and use it to REINFORCE positive behaviors.

Remember a lot of adults do not have the emotional intelligence to make safe decisions.  Don't expect your child to be perfect.  Catch her using her skills and reward her.  Do this again, and again, and again, and again.